This exercise is based on the principle of the “Magic 5:1 Ratio”, suggested by John Gottman, a relationship researcher. His research has revealed that couples who maintain a ratio of 5 positive feelings/interactions to every negative one enjoy a more fulfilling relationship. The most successful couples experience more positive feelings and interactions than negative ones. When the ratio is reversed, the pleasure experienced within the relationship is greatly decreased.
Journal exercise
- Keep a journal for one week
- Daily look at feelings/interactions you have about or with your partner.
- After reflections, categorize feelings/interactions as positive or negative.
- At the end of the week check the ratio of positive to negative feelings/interactions.
- Note any patterns or triggers. The things you are doing well, try to find ways to ensure they occur on a regular basis. Use these to help get through difficult times.
- In a month, try journaling again to see where you are compared to the magic 5 to 1 ratio.
Here are a few ways you can increase positives in your relationship.
Be available. All to often our lives become involved with things other than our partners. Stress from business, family, school, health, or a myriad of other concerns may occasionally crowd out partner. By being mindful of this and remembering to make time to check in with our partner and their feelings, we allow space for valuable communication. This is the preemptive maintenance that helps grow more positive interactions.
Show Affection. We are social creatures, even the most introverted among us. Hearing our partner say “I love you”, holding hands or hugging all help us feel valued and loved.
Silliness heals. Be playful, laugh (together), watch a stand up or comedy. Find ways of spending time together that you both enjoy. Set a regular schedule where you spend time together doing these activities.
Explore new resources to add pleasure to your relationship.
Some resource links