Jul
30

Couples Communication Exercise: Assertiveness and Active listening

On Friday I decided to squeeze Janka and myself some orange juice, add a little lime and head down to J street marina. In the evenings during the past week I have been reading up on communication styles, personalities, and perceptions. I have been doing a lot of writing lately and getting quite a few comments and emails about various topics. When responding to people I want to do my part to ensure a) I understood what the person was attempting to convey and b) the message I send in return is both relevant and clear. This can actually be a difficult task online where you receive much fewer clues than we are accustomed to in our terrestrial lives.

So as I began rediscovering various personality sorters and communication models, I stumbled across a lot of information assisting couples in improving their relationship. Our schedules permitting, Janka and I really enjoy getting away to explore our dynamic and in the process learn a few new things about one another. One resource we are enjoying is the Couples Checkup Dating Checklist. I know we aren’t only dating now; we are also married, but doing dating exercises is still a lot of fun and has segued into some really interesting conversations.
The J Street marina location allowed us to add romance to this practical activity. Sipping orange juice with the playful lime flavor contributed to summery ambiance. On this quiet summer evening, with the sunset right in front of us, we could easily focus on one another and really feel our conversation. Find you a spot, lay a blanket and try this out.
The first exercise assists couples in asserting their desires and actively listening to their partners. Skills we all could use more often. Finding a balance between asserting yourself and actively listening to your partner’s desires is a useful tool to enhance any relationship.
For the first part of the exercise partners make individual list or 3 things they wish their partners would do more often.
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Once they are both finished they take turns sharing their list with their partners. The partner sharing his/her list practices asserting their desires. The partner listening uses active listening techniques such as:
  • Allowing their partner to speak without interruption
  • Repeating what they heard the issue to be, including their partner’s desired remedy
  • Listening to their partner without forming an instant reply in their mind
Have fun!
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